One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?”

The blonde said it was hers. Your dog seems to be in heat’ the officer said. The blonde replied, ‘No way. She’s cool cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’ The policeman said, `’No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’ No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this morning The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!”‘ The blonde looked at the cop and said, “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog”.
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I organised an EMOTION themed fancy dress party.

People start arriving, first is Sally who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in blue, with tear drops inked on her face. “Ah Sally nice costume, you are clearly sadness, come on in and get yourself a drink.”
Next up is Andy, who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in red, with flames on his hat. “Ah Andy, nice costume, you must be anger, come on in and get yourself a drink.”

Next up is my best friend Selwin who is Jamaican, knocks on the door completely naked except for a pear, which he is wearing on the end of his dick.

Grinning his shouts “Hey mon, I is ‘ere for de fancy dress party!”

I say “Jesus man where are your clothes, what kind of costume is that? You’re meant to dress as an emotion, could you not have come as happiness or something?”

“But I am emotional mon, I is deep in dis pear!”

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Calvin and Jim were playing Call of Duty when there parents came charging into the living room…

Dad shouts “You boys play that darn thing way too much, get your arses outside and play! I don’t want to see you two until teatime”

He kicks the boys outside then turns to his wife. “Alone a last” he says unbuttoning his trousers. His wife gives a wicked smile and removes her top.

A few minutes later walking down the street Calvin turns to Jim. “I can’t believe we got kicked out of our own livestream”

“I know” says Jim looking at his phone. “But you should see the views we’re getting”.

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Desperate after three bad months of sales at Kentucky Fried Chicken The famous Colonel called up the Pope and asks him for a favor. “What can I do for you?” Said the Pope. The Colonel said, “Holy father, I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’. If you do that, I swear I will donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.” The Pope replied, “I am very sorry. That is the Lord’s prayer and it isn’t something I can just change the words for.” So the Colonel, disappointed, hung up.

After another month of bad sales, the Colonel panicked, and called again. “Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken.'”

And the Pope responded, “It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord’s prayer, and I can’t change the words.” So the Colonel gave up again. After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel got desperate. “This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’ I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.” The Pope replied, “Let me get back to you.”

So the next day, the Pope called together all of his bishops and said, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.” The bishops rejoiced at the news. Then one asked about the bad news. The Pope replied: “The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account.”

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