A Redneck bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to “a typical Redneck baby boy weighing 20 pounds.” Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of “Wow!” were heard.

A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, “Say, you’re the proud father of an amazing Redneck baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?” The proud father answered, “Fifteen pounds.” The bartender was puzzled. “Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?” The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, “Had him circumcised.”

“””””

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A fisherman caught a goldfish, the goldfish said that it will grant three wishes if the man frees him. Fisherman really thinks about the wishes, he pulls out a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket and drops the lighter near the goldfish, he said ” My first wish is for you to pick it up and light my cigarette” the fish is confused, but he doesn’t really care, he’s actually happy that it’s a simple task.
The moment the fish bends over to pick it up, the man fucks it from behind, the fish is shocked but moves on and asks the man for the second wish, the man took the lighter, dropped it again and said ” My second wish is for you to pick it up and light my cigarette”, the goldfish can’t believe what it’s hearing, but is hungry for freedom, so it bends over to pick the lighter back up and in that moment the fisherman once again fucks it from behind.

The goldfish is stunned by the wishes, he gains courage and asks about the third wish, the man takes the lighter and once again drops it near the fish and says ” My third wish is for you to pick it up and light my cigarette”, the goldfish can’t do anything but to grant it, it bends over and the man fucks it from behind the third time.

The goldfish is horrified, it turns to the man and says ” One day we will meet and I’ll do the same as you did to me”

A few years later the goldfish dies, it is in hell, the very first thought that comes to its mind is the fisherman it met years ago, so the fish goes looking around for him, while doing that it comes across multiple huge pots where different people are boiling in, he explores a bit more and finally sees him, the fisherman is in a huge cold pot, just swimming around having a blast, the fish calls out Satan and asks him ”How come he is the only one who is not boiling in here? ” Satan turns to the goldfish and says ” There’s the lighter and pick it the fuck up if you want to”

“””””

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A man accidentally wires $500,000 to the wrong account. He calls his bank manager for a reversal, but the manager says, “For that amount of money the dispute process would be very time-consuming. For a quicker solution you would be better off contacting the recipient to send the money back.”

The man figures the chances of someone simply sending back $500,000 upon request are very slim, so instead the man comes up with an idea. He gets the account owner’s number from the bank manager and sends them a text message. The message reads:

Hello, dark and worthy recruit. I believe you have received the $500,000 wired to you. It’s for your initiation into the Eternal Brotherhood of the Dark Underworld. Our meeting is scheduled to take place tomorrow at 12 midnight. A week after your initiation, your siblings and parents will die. This will unlock the wealth and riches awaiting you after we conquer this world. But in case you’re not ready to join, please send back the $500,000 immediately and you will be taken off our list of recruits.

About 30 minutes later, he gets a response back:
Please send another $1 million. My two friends are interested.

“””””

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Three elderly women were sitting together on a park bench when an elderly man started to walk by. “Excuse me, but we can guess your age,” one of them said to him.

He stopped, intrigued. “How can you guess my age?” he asked them.

“Well,” one lady explained, “you’ll have to drop your pants and your underwear.”

A little embarrassed but still intrigued, he unzips his pants and drop his trousers and his boxers. “Now turn around,” one says, so he complies, rotating full 360 degrees. “Now jump up and down 3 times.”. He complies. “You’re 87!” all three women exclaim at the same time.

Perplexed and amazed at their correct answer, he gasps, “how could you know that?!”

“Simple,” one says. “We were at your birthday party yesterday.”

“””””

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