One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks, but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea – we put our money together and buy a hot dog.”

The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, “What the hell? I don’t want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!”

The first says, “I know. We buy the hot dog, stick it down the front of my pants, go into a bar and order our drinks. When the bartender tells us the price, you drop to your knees and suck the hot dog like you’re sucking my dick – and the bartender will throw us out and we won’t have to pay for anything!”

The second drunk says, “Well, it sounds like a good enough idea to me.”

So they buy the hot dog and the first drunk sticks it down his pants. They go into a bar, order two whiskeys, and when the bartender tells them the price, the second drunk drops to his knees and sucks on the hot dog. The bartender throws them out and tells them not to come back.

The drunks go on to hit 19 bars. Finally, the second drunk says, “We’ve got to switch places ’cause my knees hurt from dropping to the floor.”

The first drunk says, “You think that’s bad? I lost the hot dog in the third bar!

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A traveling ventriloquist asks a farmer if he can sleep in his barn to escape the rainy Iowa night. The next morning the ventriloquist is awakened by an angry farmhand roughly abusing the animals.

The ventriloquist makes it appear the cow say, “Hey icy-fingers! You don’t have to yank my udders as hard as you wank that tiny wang of yours!”

The farm-hand gasps and staggers back into the horse, who then appears to say, “Are you ever going to shovel all this shit?’

The farm-hand panics and flees the barn, crying out, “Farmer! Farmer! The animals have taken to talkin, and if that little sheep says anything about me, it’s a damned lie!”

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3 nuns are travelling in a bus when it crashes. All of the nuns died instantly, and find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is waiting for them.

He said to the nuns, “Before I can let you in to heaven you each have to answer a question.”
To the first nun, St Peter asks “Where did Adam meet the first woman?” The Nun replied, “In the Garden Of Eden.”

St Peter smiled, heavenly bells rang, and the pearly gates opened…

St Peter then turned to the second Nun and asked, “What was the name of the first woman in the garden of Eden?” The second Nun promptly replied, “Her name was Eve.”

St Peter smiled, heavenly bells rang, and the pearly gates opened…

St Peter then turns to the final Nun, and asks “What did Eve say when she first saw Adam in the garden of Eden?”

The Nun was stumped, and stood still for a very long time trying to recall the answer. “Ooh, that’s a hard one…” she muttered under her breath.

St Peter smiled, heavenly bells rang, and the pearly gates opened…

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For a friend you want to bitch slap or anybody for this matter. Front hand or backhand, it’s your preference. You tell them if they want to hear a joke or if they have yet to hear it, the joke about a pimp and his THREE hoes. So it goes like this:

So their was a pimp walking down a block that he had THREE hoes working on. The THREE hoes were spread apart on the block. Each one of the THREE hoes had a corner of her own.

The pimp walks up to the first hoe and says “where’s my 150 dollars?”. The hoe then says “150? I only owe you 125 dollars”. The pimp then slaps her and tells her “bitch! Don’t correct me.” The hoe then gives the pimp all the money that she’s made.

The pimp now finds his way to his 2nd hoe and says “where’s my 175 dollars?”. The hoe says “175? I only owe you 150”. The pimp slaps the second hoe and tells her like he did the first “bitch! Don’t correct me.” He takes the money and moves on.

So now the pimp is at his THIRD hoe and yet again, demands his money. He tells the THIRD hoe “where’s my 200 dollars?” The hoe says “200 dollars? I only owe you 175.” Once again just like the others, he slaps his THIRD hoe and says “bitch! Don’t correct me”. Collects his money and keeps it moving.

So now the pimp finds his way to his 4th hoe……

Now if and when the person your telling the joke to says some thing like “but wait. I thought you said he only had 3 hoes” then this is where you slap the taste out of their mouth and tell them “bitch! Don’t correct me”

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