The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275.

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying, “You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her naked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good.”

On his turn, the knight asks, “Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?” When she replies, “none at all”, he comments, “Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path.”

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3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park…

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said…

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question…

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says…

Girl 3: AAARRGHFJJJSSSLLHHMM

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

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Two Americans are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon.

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.

“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “why don’t we attend Mass?”
“Sure,” replies his friend. “But we don’t know how the French pray and we can’t speak French!”
The first guy thinks of a solution. “We’ll pick a guy in front of us, and whatever he does, we’ll do.”

His friend agrees. They enter the church, sit close to the front, and choose a guy.
Fifteen minutes pass, and their plan is working well. Thirty minutes, no issues.
By the time forty-five minutes pass, they’ve gotten used to the routine. Suddenly, while everyone is seated, the priest says something in French and the gentleman they chose stands up. Without thinking, the two Americans stand up as well.
The church bursts into hard laughter.

Realizing that no one else is standing up, the two American men leave in embarrassment. They wait for the Mass to end, and then approach the priest, who spoke English.
“We’re well-meaning people- we don’t speak French and just chose some guy to imitate while praying,” one says.

The priest chuckles. “Ah. You’re probably wondering why everyone laughed at you.”
“Yes,” replied the other American.

“Well, you see, I announced the Baptism of a child… and asked for the father of the child to stand up.”

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Two blind pilots enter a plane. They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable.

The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The remaining runway gets smaller and smaller, and the plane is rushing towards a fence.

The passengers start shrieking and suddenly the plane lifts, avoiding the fence at the last second.

All the passengers calm down, thinking it was a bad joke.

In the pilot cabin, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says :

“You know what? One day they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all going to die.”

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