A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing. They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says “Please don’t kill me! Spare my life and I’ll grant you all a wish!”

The German throws the fish back and says “I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty”, and immediately a foaming mug of ice-cold German ale appears in his hand. He takes a long swig and when he puts it down, it’s still miraculously full! The Frenchman and Englishman are, of course, amazed.

“I wish,” said the Frenchman, “For a wall to be built around France, ten miles high and ten miles thick, so that nobody can get in and nobody can get out.”

The fish screws up its eyes in concentration for a moment then says. “Done! And what do you want?”

“Is there a wall around France?” asks the Englishman
“Yes.” replies the fish.

“Is it ten miles high and ten miles thick?”
“Yes.”

“And can nobody get in, and nobody get out?”
“Yes.”

“Well then,” says the Englishman, “I want you to fill it with water.”

“““““

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Three men are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it: “Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please.”

His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a tea pot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

After a good night’s rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

The receptionist responds:

“Well, comrade major did quite like your tea gag.”

“““““

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The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, “What’s your name?”

“Frog,” he replies.

“What did you do?” “I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor.”

With that, the judge lets him go.

The second frog goes in. “What’s your name?” asks the judge.

“Frog Frog.” “What were you doing?”

“I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir.”

With that, the judge lets him go. The third frog comes in.

The judge says, “Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog.”

The frog says, “No, my name’s Bubbles.”

“““““

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I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.

I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage. ”

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce? ”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no…. I was granted parole.”

“““““

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