A woman walks up to a bus stop to wait for a bus. The only other person waiting there is a guy wearing a ballerina outfit, full clown makeup and has an orange traffic cone on his head.

The woman tries to keep quiet but after a few minutes she can’t resist and asks the guy, “Hey, um…what’s with the outfit?”

“What do you mean?” he responds.

“Well, you’re wearing a tutu, clown makeup and you have a traffic cone on your head,” she says.
“Yeah,” he says casually. “It’s Wednesday. I always wear my ballerina outfit with my clown makeup and cone hat on Wednesdays.”

She replies, “It’s actually Tuesday today.”

“It’s Tuesday?!” the guy says. “Oh man…I must look like a fucking idiot.”

“””””

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A grumpy old man walks into a brothel and asks the madam “Is this a union brothel?” “No, sir,” she replies “I’ve owned and operated this bordello for 50 years without a union!” “Well, I’m a union man, so I only visit union brothels!” the man replies as he slams the door on his way out.

Three more cathouses, the same thing. Until he visits the very last bang shack in town; where the madam says “Why yes, we’re the only union pleasure house this side of the Mississippi!”

“That’s great!” he shouted excitedly “I want an hour with your prettiest, most voluptuous girl!”
“I’m sure you do.” she replied “But Agnes has seniority!”

“””””

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.

The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she’ll give him one for free.

He says “Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute nap, and while I’m asleep, I need you to hold my old pecker.” She agrees, he wakes up 20 minutes later and goes at it again, just as vigorously as before.

The girl is amazed at the old man’s stamina, and repeats her freebie offer, the old man tells her that once again, he’ll need a 20 minute nap and she’ll have to hold his dick while he’s asleep. She does as he asks, he wakes up 20 minutes later and he goes at it again, with even more enthusiasm than previously.

The hooker catches her breath, and needing to satisfy her curiosity, asks the old man “I can understand why you need the nap, but why do you need me to hold your dick while you’re sleeping?”

The old man replies “Oh, that’s just so you don’t steal my wallet.”

“””””

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Professor Dougly at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to first-year medical students.

He pointed to a beautiful young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

She replied, ‘Probably golfing with his buddies.’

“””””

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