A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Mike, and starts drinking his beer.

Mike asks him :

My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?

Why do you ask, is it because I’m Chinese?

No, it’s because you are drinking my beer.

“““““

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A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for medium, and $14,000 for large.

The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. “Well, what have the two of you decided?” asked the doctor. The man answered, “She’d rather remodel the kitchen.”

“““““

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A doctor , a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.”

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”
“””””

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A man in a ferrari stops at a red light next to old guy on a scooter. he rolls down the window and says “this car can do 0.to.100 mph in less than the time your scooter starts to move…”

The old man nods in agreement and asks to peek in. The man let’s him look in … the old man is visibly impressed.

The light turns green and Mr Ferrari floors it to the next traffic light. As he slows down for the next stop he glances in the rear view mirror and sees the old man as a speck in the distance but gaining rapidly!

the old man on the scooter whooshes by the Ferrari at an incredible speed …. the man is stunned. now the scooter flies BACK to the car …. and whooshes by again.

Then forward again….

and he hears the old man screaming … “yaaaaaaaa Unhook my suspenders from your mirror…!!!!”

——-

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