Little Johnny is playing with his electric train set in the living room and his mom is in the kitchen when she hears him say, “The train has arrived at the station. All you mother-fuckers getting off, get off and all you mother-fuckers getting on, get on.”

She immediately scolds him for the language and puts him in time-out for 30 minutes.

He comes back afterwards and resumes playing with the train. She smiles when she hears him say, “The train has arrived at the station. Those getting off the train, please do so. Those getting on the train, please do so.”

Then he says, “If you would like to make a complaint about the train being late, then go talk to the bitch in the kitchen,”

“””””

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Two friends lived in a Communist country.

The first friend asked, “Comrade, if you had two houses, would you give one of them to me?”
The second friend replied, “Of course, Comrade!”

The first friend was happy with this answer. He then asked, “If you had two cars, would you give one of them to me?”

“Of course!” replied the second friend.
Overjoyed, the first friend then asked, “If you had two chickens, would you give one of them to me?”
“No, comrade!” The second friend said.

Surprised and distraught, the first friend asked, “Why not, Comrade?”
“I actually have two chickens!” The second friend said.

“””””

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A police officer, on his nightly patrol, sees a blonde woman staring at the sidewalk and wandering in circles. He walks over to her and says, “Can I help you?”

“I lost an earring,” the blonde replies, showing him the other one.

After helping her look for twenty minutes, he asks, “Are you sure you lost it here?”

“No, I was near 5th and Main when I noticed it missing.”

He stared at her for a moment, confused. “That’s three blocks away. Why are you looking here?”

Without looking up, she replied, “Because the lighting is better.”

“””””

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Halloween was over. All the trick or treaters came and went. Some got candies. Some got confused when we said “trick” and sprayed them with water.

A couple of hours later while we were taking the candy bag inside, a 12 year old came dressed in all red.

Naturally, I told him that Halloween was over and we all wanted to go to sleep now. Instead, he turned to my girlfriend who was helping me and said. “Im your period. Sorry, I’m late.”

My man got the remaining candies.

“””””

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