Joke of the Day: Outside the pub

A nun is standing outside a pub and Dugly comes round the corner, planning to grab an after-work bevy. The nun immediately points at him, and intones:

“Before you enter this den of sin and debauchery, think of your mother and father!”

Dugly wipes away a tear, and says “They’re dead, God bless ’em. They’re dead, in heaven.”

“Well,” says the nun, “Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!”

“What? What are you talking about?” Dugly asks. “Have you ever had a drink?” The nun says she has not. “Then how can you talk to me about alcohol? I’ll tell you what I’ll do,” he continues, “I’ll buy you a drink, and after you’ve drunk it, then you can talk to me about alcohol. What’ll you have?”

“I don’t know,” says the nun. “What do ladies usually drink?”

“Gin,” he replies.

“Oh, alright,” she says. “But – but can you put it in a cup, so nobody notices.” Dugly nods and walks into the bar, calling out to the bartender.

“Bartender! I’ll have a beer, and a double gin in a cup!”

“It’s that bloody nun outside again, isn’t it?”

——-

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Joke of the Day: The Cow

A wife comes home early from work one day suspecting that the husband is cheating on her.

She catches the husband in bed with a sheep.

The wife exclaims: “What the hell are you doing?”

The husband sighs and responds: “See, this is the cow I sleep with when you’re not here.”

The wife now with a frown replies: “Are you stupid? That’s a sheep, not a cow!”

The husband looks the wife dead in the eyes and says: “I was talking to the sheep.”

——-

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Joke of the Day: at the Doctor’s

A man’s wife is very sick and he takes her to a doctor.

The doctor does a check-up and has a private word with the husband.

Husband: How is she, doctor?

Doctor: I don’t like the look of her.

Husband: Me neither. But she is an excellent cook and she fantastic in bed.