This guy brings his best friend home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30pm, after work.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.

“My frickin hair and makeup are not done, the house is a fucking mess, the dishes aren’t done. Can’t you see I’m still in my fucking pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight?! Why the fuck did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?”

“Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

——-

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“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

“‘Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads!”

——-

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Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony? A- It’s not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? A- The one who can eat the last donut.

Somebody drilled a hole in the fence around the nudist colony. Police are looking into it.

“““““

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Two men were talking one day and one mentioned he was visiting Russia.

The friend tells him that it’s politically rough over there and that they check letters leaving the country for dissenters. So, he instructs the man to use a code- write in black ink if everything is fine and red ink if things are bad.

The man goes to Russia. A couple weeks later the friend gets a letter in black ink. It says all sorts of positive things about Russia- how rich it is and how nice the people are to him. “My only complaint,” he writes, “is that they don’t have red pens.”

“““““

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