A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger – 2.99

Cheeseburger – 3.99

Chicken Sandwich – 4.99

Hand Jobs – 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” The bartender blushes slightly and says “Yes, I am” with a sexy little smile.

The biker grins and says “Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger.”

“““““

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The old man in his deathbed looks his wife in the eye: “Honey, please be honest with me. I’m not long for this world, and something has really been eating at me for a while. I’ve always found our 6th son a bit weird…different, if you may. He has a different father from the other ones, hasn’t he?”

The wife, in tears and sobbing uncontrollably, asks for forgiveness and buries her face in her hands, while nodding. The husband, curious: “So, who’s the father?” The wife, very sincere, answers “It’s you…”

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Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too… I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.” The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her… what does she look like?” The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?’ To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, — let’s look for yours.”

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Johnny’s mom is in the kitchen and she decides to check on her son who is playing in the living room.

Little Johnny is playing with his train set, he pulls the train into the station and says, “Whoever needs to get the hell off the train, and who ever needs to come on the train get the hell on.”

Little Johnny’s mom is furious and pulls him by the arm and throws him in his room and says to him, “You will stay in here until you learn not to curse.”

3 hours go by and little Johnny comes out of his room and says to his mother that he learned his lesson. Little Johnny goes back to his train and he says, “All passengers please climb aboard the train.” He watches his mother smile and walk back into the kitchen and then start to wash the dishes.

Little Johnny then turns to his train and says; “If anyone was wondering about the 3 hour delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen.”

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