One day little Billy approached Mr. Johnson’s house and knocked on the door. After they exchanged a few pleasantries, little Billy asked Mr. Johnson, “Sir, I noticed ya got some milkweed growing in your backyard, mind if go back there and get some milk?” Amused by the request, Mr. Johnson replied, “Son, knock yourself out.” knowing full well that he couldn’t possibly get milk from milkweed. Sure enough, Billy came back to Mr. Johnson with 2 pails of milk. Little Billy thanked the now shocked and speechless Mr. Johnson and went on his way.

The next day Billy knocked on Mr. Johnson’s door again. “Afternoon Mr. Johnson, I noticed ya had some buttercups growing in your backyard, mind if I get some butter?” Curious this time around, Mr. Johnson replied, “Sure son, go right ahead.” knowing full well he couldn’t possibly get butter from a buttercup. Sure enough, Billy came back with 2 buckets of butter. Again, Billy thanked a now even more shocked and speechless Mr. Johnson and went on his way.

The next day little Billy knocked on Mr. Johnson’s door for a third time. Mr. Johnson, very intrigued by little Billy’s strange requests eagerly greeted the young man. “How can I help you today son?” said Mr. Johnson. “Well sir, I noticed ya had some pussy willows growing in your backyar-” and before Billy could finish Mr. Johnson interrupted, “Hold on Billy! Let me go get my boots!”

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The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.

Auditor: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.”

Auditor: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.”

Boat Owner: “That’ll be me. What’d you want to know?”

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A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, ”Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.”

The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, ”Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat.” The man grunts and does not move.

Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, ”Get out of those seats!”

The man grunts, and policeman says, ”Okay, wise guy, where are you from?” The man moans and says, ”The balcony.”

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Two patients at an old age home (let’s call them John and Mary), have always been close to one another. One day John tells Mary, “Since we are such close friends, I hope that you aren’t embarrassed by this request. My penis is feeling awfully numb and I was hoping that you would hold it for me.”

Mary replies, “Of course, John” She takes his junk in her hand and they sit there doing nothing else. Over the next few weeks this becomes a regular event. One day Mary finds another woman holding John’s penis for him. She is outraged. “After all this time you replace me so easily with this woman!” she cries. “What does she have that I don’t?” John smiles at her. “Parkinson’s” he replies.

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