A guy is cruising along the California coast, when he asks God for just one wish, for being a good and honest man.

God actually replies, “OK…just one wish!”

The guy is shocked, and just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind… “A bridge to Hawaii!”

God says “Erm…that’s a lot of work…plus, people would notice. I’m supposed to work in mysterious ways, know what I mean? How about something else…”

“OK…how about this…I want to understand women. I want to understand how they think…everything about them!”

God says, “Uh…so, yeah, you want a two-lane or a four-lane-bridge?”

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For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he promised that he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but she asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he advised her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. Honey, she said, “You received a very strange postcard today.”

“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he replied. The wife obeyed, and watched her husband as he read the card. He turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:

“Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs. Two without.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year. The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own. When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says: I know that you’ve been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

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An old man calls up his son and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. “I’m sick of her face, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” and calls her father immediately. “You’re not getting divorced! Don’t do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says “Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfare.”

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