So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

“Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old Muslim woman says.”You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

——-

Football Fan Dating at FootballFanDating.com

A man just moved to a new town from far away, and one day decides to take a walk around to get to know the area.

While walking down the street and checking out all the stores along the way, he notices one that seemed unusual. The sign above read “Jerry’s Double Flavored Apples.” Curious, the man walks inside to check it out.

He walks up to the storekeeper behind the counter and he begins to ask him about his product.

“I’ve never heard of double flavored apples, how can there be such a thing?” he asks.

The storekeeper replies, “They are exactly as advertised, good sir. My specialty! Think of any combination of flavors, and we have an apple for it!”

Still skeptical, the man asks for a sample. “I must try one before I can believe you” he says.

The storekeeper is happy to oblige, and hands him a carefully selected apple from behind the counter. The man takes a bite.

“Peaches!” he exclaims. “I definitely didn’t expect that.”

The storekeeper then smiles and says “That’s only the half of it. Now flip it over and take another bite.”

So the man flips it over and takes another bite, and his eyes widen. “Tastes like cream! Peaches and cream! This is brilliant! Are you telling me that every apple in this store is flavored like this?”

The storekeeper is now very pleased. He hands the man another apple and tells him to take another bite.

“Strawberries!” The man is now speechless.

The storekeeper says “Now flip it over.”

“Chocolate! Chocolate covered strawberries! This is the most amazing thing ever!”

The storekeeper says “We have all kinds of flavors here. Anything you want, we’ve got it!”

Still baffled and a little unsure, the man asks “Any flavor I want? Are you certain about this?”

The storekeeper confidently replies “Yessir! Anything you can think of, we’ve got it!”

“Anything??”

“Yes! Just try me.”

The man then thinks really hard for a moment, and comes up with something. He says “Well, there’s one thing I haven’t tasted in a very, very long time. I would really like to taste some good pussy again. If you can get me one that tastes like some really good pussy, I’ll finally believe you.”

The storekeeper is now delighted, and says “Ah, sir, you’re in luck! I have just the thing for you! Wait here.” Then, he goes into the back room. Minutes later, he comes out with a perfectly shaped, shiny red apple. “Here,” he says excitedly, “try this!”

Equally delighted, the man takes the apple, and takes a large bite. He chews it slowly for a moment, but his face quickly turns sour and spits the apple out in disgust.

“Shit!! This apple tastes like total shit! What the hell is this you gave me??”

The storekeeper then says, “Ah, now flip it over…”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A man in in a supermarket in Florida tries to buy half s head of lettuce but the very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?” “Canada, sir,” the boy replied. “Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked. The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.” “Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.” “No shit?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A rich guy and a poor guy are talking about what they got their wives for Christmas

The rich guy said, “I got my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring, so if she doesn’t like the fur at least she’ll have the ring.”

The poor guy said, “I got my wife a bathrobe and a dildo. If she doesn’t like the robe, she can go fuck herself!”

“““““

Get some great Gift Ideas at GiftWeblog.com !