Joke of the Day: Shipwrecked with Scarlett Johansson

A shipwreck, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on an deserted island…

They didn’t know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was…

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn’t anybody else in the island…

He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this…

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… “Whats wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked, “Nothing…” the guy would say…

She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasnt asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him…

“Really?, youll do anything id like?”

“yes” she said “anything!”

“ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore”

“ok…”

“now put this shirt on please, but first, “tape” your boobs so they are flat”

“wha… ok, id say id do anything” she said lovingly.

“ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it”

she was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tuck her hair under the hat.

“Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache”

“ok… if this is what you want…” she muttered.

“now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach ill catch up to you in a bit” he said a bit excited…

She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was h… suddenly the dude grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: “DUDE!!! you wont believe who i’ve been screwing for the past 6 months!”

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Joke of the Day: Two men working

Two men are working by the side of the road.

One digs a hole and the other fills it back up.

They do this several times until an old lady, who has been watching them, comes over and asks “What in the world are you two doing?”

One of the workers replies, “We work for the city, the guy that plants the trees is off sick today.”

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Joke of the Day: Prison

A guy gets sent to prison. His first day in the yard they are told to walk in a circle, no talking allowed between the prisoners. After a few minutes somebody yells “16” and the whole yard errupts with laughter. They continue walking in circles when someone else shouts out “54” and again everybody starts dying laughing. The new guy, being confused, whispers to the guy in front, “Hey whats with the numbers?” The other prisoner tells him , “well since we arent allowed to speak to one another we’ve memorized jokes and assigned numbers to them all. When somebody shouts out a number, we think of the joke and then laugh”.

“Finally the new guy decides to make his mark, “18” he yells…and the entrie courtyard bursts into laughter! People rolling on the ground, tears streaming, and uncontrollable laughter.

When everything calmed down, the new guy asked the man in front of him, “Why did everyone laugh so much harder at that one?”

The convict replies, “We’ve never heard that one before!”

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Joke of the Day: Captain

So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port. Just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down “Sir! There’s an enemy ship on the horizon!”

The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts “Bring me my red shirt!”

After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.

Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies “Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!”

The cabin boy thinks that’s pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.

The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down “Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!”

And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says “Bring me my brown pants!”

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