The first guy walks up to the bar and sits down. The bartender asks him what hes drinking? The man says, “I’ll have a rum and coke.” The bartender then reaches behind the bar and after a couple seconds the bartender hands him and apple. “What the hell is this?! I asked you for a rum and coke, damnit!” the bartender looks to him and says, “Trust me, just eat.” “No way man this is an apple, I want my drink!” “Trust me,” says the bartender. So the guy decides, ehh why not and bites into it. “Whoa!” he exclaims. “That tastes like rum!!” “Flip it over,” says the bartender. And so he does. “Whoa!!” he exclaims again, “this side tastes like coke! That’s amazing how did you do that?” The bartender says nothing and gives the man a wink. The second guy walks in, sits down and orders a gin and tonic. then goes through the same thing as the first, and finally bites into it. “Whoa!!” he says, “that tastes like gin!” “Flip it over,” says the bartender. “That tastes like tonic! Thats amazing!” And now the third guy walks up, with the first two explaining to him how awesome this bartender is. “These apples taste just like the drinks we ordered!” exclaimed the first. “He can make it taste like anything you want!” says the second guy. “Anything?” the third guy asks? “Well Mr. Bartender, in that case, I want one that tastes like pussy!” Thinking he had him stumped the bartender shrugs, and after a couple seconds hands him an apple. He bites into it and immediately spits it out, “This apple tastes like Shit!!” he yelled. The bartender replies, “flip it over.”

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A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away, so he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic ! !

He really had a good time because the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off.

He read the manual but did not find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument. Some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or softer, but still without success.

Panicking, he called the supplier ‘ s Customer Service Hot Line.

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It’s fantastic. But how can I take it off the cow’s udder?”

Customer Service replied, “Don’t worry. The machine was programmed to release automatically after collecting about two gallons of milk. “

Friendship between women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

“““““

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A christian missionary spends a year in a remote African village spreading the gospel. In that time the tribal chiefs daughter gets pregnant, and eventually has a baby that turns out to be white.

Outraged the chief confronts the missionary. Being the only white person his daughter had ever met, he accuses him of being the father and betraying his trust.

Calmly the missionary walks with the chief to the edge of the village where some sheep are grazing.

“Chief, there is always an explanation for everything. For example, you have over one hundred white sheep out there, but in the midst of them all is a single black lamb, and nobody even questions why. Now look at your situation and try to find understanding in your heart for this strange set of circumstances we now find ourselves in.”

After silently watching the flock of sheep for a few moments the chief replies to the missionary.

“Tell you what. You keep quiet about that little black lamb out there and I won’t say anything about the baby.”

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