A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.” The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. “Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise. “Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!” “Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

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Man goes to his son and asks ‘Did you tip over the outhouse’?

Son says, ‘Father, I cannot tell a lie: I tipped over the outhouse into the creek’.

Father says ‘That’s it, you’re going to the woodshed for some serious ass-whuppin!’

‘But Father, George Washington told his dad the truth about chopping down the cherry tree and didn’t get punished!’

‘George Washington’s father wasn’t IN the cherry tree!’

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An old woman decides to get a physical after a number of years.

While the doctor is examining her she mentions that over the years she has learned to fart silently and they never smell anymore.

The doctor said “Ok, that’s great”, finishes up the exam, gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a couple of weeks.

When she returns, she complains that her farts now smell awful. “Good” he said. “Now that we’ve cleared out your sinuses let’s work on your hearing.”
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The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face.He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, ‘Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?’

‘My darling’ she replied,’ I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.’

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