In an 3rd grade American class room.

The teacher is discussing U.S. presidents.

“Who gave the Gettysburg Address?” she asked the class.

Immediately a hand shot up belonging to a female Japanese foreign exchange student.

“Yes?” the teacher asked.

“Abraham Lincoln! 1863!” replied the girl proudly.

“That’s correct,” said the teacher, “Now can anyone tell me who wrote the Declaration of Independence?”

Again the Japanese girl’s hand shot up. This time the teacher waited to see if anyone else knew the answer, but no one came forward. She called on the foreign exchange student again.

“Thomas Jefferson! 1776!” said the girl proudly once again.

The teacher addressed the rest of class and said “You should all be ashamed of yourselves. This little girl has been in the country for less than a month and she knows more about your history than you do.”

The class grumbled and mumbled, and excuses were pouring out as well as dissatisfaction. Then from the back of the room someone shouted “To hell with the Japanese!”

The teacher now flustered and angry questioned “Who said that?”

The japanese girl couldn’t contain her excitement and shouted back “Harry Truman! 1945!”
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A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ”Father, what causes arthritis?” ”Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,” the priest replied. ”Imagine that,” the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” ”I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, ”but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.”

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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look and sure enough, the man’s penis is bright orange.

The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.

The man says “My day is pretty normal. I get up in the morning and go to work. My work is at a desk in an office so I dont come into contact with any strange chemicals. I come home after work, make my self dinner, watch a little TV then get ready for bed.”

The doctor asks “Do you do anything before bed?”

The man says “Nothing unusual, I just eat cheetos and surf the web”

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A young woman was walking along a deserted beach admiring the sunset when she noticed a lamp partially buried in the sand. She picked up the lamp and brushed the sand off. To her suprise a Genie appeared in front of her. The Genie said “You’ve got one wish, make it snappy” The young woman said “I thought Genies gave 3 wishes”. “Not since the GFC, so what is your wish” said the Genie. The young woman pulled out a map of the middle east from her back pack. “See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc. Well I want them all to live in Peace” she said. The Genie studied the map. “WTF that’s impossible, try another wish” the Genie grunted. Well said the young woman ” I want a perfect man, one who is kind, compassionate, gentle who likes children and housework, loves to cook and will help clean the house even if the Super Bowl is on”. The Genie stares at the young woman and finally says “Show me that fcuking map again”

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