A high school girl is getting ready for her senior prom. Lets call her Jen. Now, Jen has been dreaming if this day for her entire life. She has everything set up perfectly; she’s got a hot date, and the perfect dress.

All of a sudden, as Mother Nature is wont to do, Jen gets her period, and it’s a particularly heavy flow this month. Jen runs to her bathroom to find some tampons, but she’s an idiot and hadnt gone to get any. “FUCK!” Yells Jen.

As she often does when she really needs help, Jen calls up her fairy godmother. “What is it you need deary?” Asks the fairy godmother. “Look,” said Jen, “Im about to go to prom and my period came and I don’t have any tampons!! Can you help me out?” “Of course!” Says fairy godmother, “take this magic tampon. It’ll soak up even the heaviest flow, but there’s on condition. You MUST be back by midnight or that tampon will turn into a pumpkin!”

“Yeah okthxBAI” says Jen, and she heads out for the night.

11:45 comes around and the fairy godmother is up waiting for Jen. 11:55 No sign of Jen, and the fairy godmother is getting worried. 12:00…..no Jen. Fairy godmother is PISSED. “WHAT THE FUCK,” she cries out into the night. 1:00…no Jen 2:00….nothing 3:00 strikes and Jen finally rolls in. “What the fuck happened?” Asked the fairy godmother. “Where have you been? Are you all right?? You worried me to death!”

“No no fairy godmother I’m fine I’m fine!” Said Jen. “I met the most amaaazing boy! My night was perfect!”

“Jen that’s ridiculous Im much more concerned about your safety! What was this boys name, huh?”

“His name was, uhh… Peter Peter…something eater..”

“““““

No Strings Attached dating at PassionPersonals.com

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”

The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. “Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”

“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.”

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied.

“So what happened then?” the man asked.

The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”

“And then?”

“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket ’bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”

Man laughed and said, “Again?” The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So, what did you do then?” the man asked.

“I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.”

“And then?”

“Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

“Hmmm . . . ” the man said and nodded his head.

“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said.

“So, what did you do?” the man asked.

“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can’t explain.”

——-

.site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A young boy and his grandfather were sitting outside enjoying the summer breeze.

The boys grandfather pulled out a cigar, lit it, and puffed away contently.

The boy looked at his grandfather and asked if he could take a puff.

The grandfather replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?” to which the boy responded, “No sir.”

“Then you are not old enough” the grandfather snapped back.

A few minutes later the grandfather pulled a beer out of his cooler, and took a sip.

The boy asked if he could try the beer.

The grandfather replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?” to which the boy responded, “No sir.”

Grandpa huffed. “Then you are not old enough.”

The boy gave up and ran inside the house to go play.

An hour later the boy came outside with a plate of cookies.

The grandfather asked the boy, “Can I have a cookie?”

The boy replied, “Can your dick touch your ass?”

Grandpa laughed. “Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass.”

The boy smirked. “Then go f*ck yourself, grandma made these cookies for me.”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

The Colombian maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?

Maria: Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.

The first is that I iron better than you.

Wife: Who said you iron better than me?

Maria: Jor huzban he say so.

Wife: Oh yeah?

Maria: The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.

Wife: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?

Maria: Jor hozban did

Wife increasingly agitated: Oh he did, did he?

Maria: The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, And did my husband say that as well?

Maria: No Señora…. The gardener did.

Wife: So how much do you want?

——-

Latin Dating Agency at Latin-Agency.com