3 blondes walk into a police station looking for a job as a detective.

They meet with the police chief who says “I’m going to show you a side profile mug shot of a man and you need to tell me something interesting about him.”

He shows the picture to the first blonde and she says “He’s only got one eye”. The police chief responds, “No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one eye.”

He shows the picture to the second blonde and she says “He’s only got one ear”. The police chief again responds, “No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one ear.”

He shows the picture to the last blonde and she says “He wears contact lenses.” Perplexed, the police chief looks through the file and sure enough, the man wore contact lenses. He says “That’s oddly correct. How did you know that?”

The blonde responds, “Well with one eye and one ear, he can’t be wearing glasses.”

“““““

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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass as our food”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”

“““““

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One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada… He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
——-

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A man goes into a confession booth in Germany

He says “Please forgive me father for I have sinned.” The priest responded, “What is your sin my child?”

The man replies “During WWII I took in a Jewish man and hid him in my attic.” The priest then exclaims, “Good sir, that is not a sin at all.

That was a righteous burden you took upon yourself. You should be proud of your actions.”

The man hesitated for a moment and said “Well… I had him pay rent.”

The priest simply stated “That isn’t the most Christian thing to do, however it is not a sin.”

The man then smiled feeling cleared of all wrongdoing.

He got up to leave, but then paused once more and said “Father?” “Yes my child?” “Do I have to tell him that the war is over?”

^^^^^^

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