Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

Lady 1: What’s that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get that?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn’t matter son, as long as it fits a camel.

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

3 blondes walk into a police station looking for a job as a detective.

They meet with the police chief who says “I’m going to show you a side profile mug shot of a man and you need to tell me something interesting about him.”

He shows the picture to the first blonde and she says “He’s only got one eye”. The police chief responds, “No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one eye.”

He shows the picture to the second blonde and she says “He’s only got one ear”. The police chief again responds, “No, this is a profile mug shot, so you will only see one ear.”

He shows the picture to the last blonde and she says “He wears contact lenses.” Perplexed, the police chief looks through the file and sure enough, the man wore contact lenses. He says “That’s oddly correct. How did you know that?”

The blonde responds, “Well with one eye and one ear, he can’t be wearing glasses.”

“““““

Blonde Dating at BlondeDating.com !

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass as our food”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. “But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.”

“““““

WiseFoodStorage Coupon Code : DiscountStorm.com

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada… He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
——-

.site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com