Mary comes home after tending to the garden.

Joseph has a warm pie on the table. He cuts Mary a peice of pie and she is thrilled by how amazing it tastes. So she asks Joseph, “Where did you get this pie from?”

Joseph tells Mary “I baked it!”

“Baked it?” Says Mary.

“Yes, right here in our home from scratch!” Says Joseph.

Mary looks at him confused then says “But we don’t have an oven.”

So Joseph looks her straight in the eyes and say “God helped me.”

Mary looks at Joseph annoyed, “Please, not this again.” as Joseph screams

“YOU SEE HOW THAT SOUNDS MARY?!?!?!?”

“””””

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Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He says out loud, “One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight.” His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, “What are you doing Johnny?” Johnny replies, “I am just doing my maths homework.” ” And is this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asks. “Yes,” Johnny replies.

The mother is now angry and immediately phones Johnny’s teacher, “What on earth are you teaching my son in class?” she asks. The teacher replies, “Right now, we are learning mathematical addition.” The mother asks, “And are you teaching them to say one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven?” After the teacher stopped laughing hysterically, she answers, “What I taught them to say was, one plus six, the sum of which is seven.”

“””””

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Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that……

– CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
– Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
– McDonald’s is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
– Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
– Moms and Dad’s in Beverly Hills let go of their nannies and finally learned their child’s names.
– A picture is now only worth 100 words.
– The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
– I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty

“””””

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A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London. He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams “get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt”. Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey.

The man asks for a blanket again only to be ignored. “Hey, old cow” yells the parrot “where’s my snacks?” Peanuts, cashews and salted almonds find themselves immediately on the parrot’s tray. The man gives up “I’m freezing you stupid bitch. What the hell do I need to do to get a fuckin’ blanket on this shit of a flight?!”

The flight attendant says something into a comm system and a big man comes, opens the door at 37,000ft and throws both the man and the parrot out of the plane. On the way down, the parrot takes a good look at the man and says: “you know something? You’re pretty brave for someone with no wings”

“””””

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