Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question

Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

None, replied Johnny, cause the rest would fly away, Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, but i like the way you’re thinking.

Little Johnny says i have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married? Well said the teacher nervously i guess the one sucking the cone No said little Johnny the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but i like the way you’re thinking.

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A blond has been hiding that she’s a lesbian from her parents for years

She has always been scared that they wouldn’t accept her like many other parents do. She was speaking about it to her best friend, who is familiar with her parents.

Her friend said “Are you serious? I thought they knew already, why wouldn’t they accept you? Just tell them today”.

The blond was nervous but decided to take her friend’s advice.

During dinner that evening, she began to open herself to her parents.

“I have something to say to you 2, I have been a lesbian for years now and I’ve been hiding it from the 2 of you, please accept me.” she began.

Her parents looked at each other in bewilderment.

“Why do you think we won’t accept you?” her mom said.

“Yeah, are you dumb?” said her other mom.

“””””

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A couple was invited to a masked Halloween ball. On the night of the party the wife had a headache.

She told her husband to go on alone. Reluctantly he agreed. He put on his bear costume and left. She took a nap and woke up feeling great.

Realizing her husband didn’t know her costume, she decided to go and see what he was up to.
She got there and saw the bear flirting with every woman in sight. Still masked, she approached him; after a few drinks he propositioned her.

They went into a bedroom and had sex for an hour, even in positions she’d never done before. When they were done, he left without saying a word. She went home.

When her husband got home, she asked about his night.

“Same old, same old,” he said. “When I got there, a bunch of the guys were in back playing poker. So I played cards all night.”

She said, “You must have looked silly playing cards in a bear costume.”

“I gave the costume to your Dad. He said he had the time of his life.”

“””””

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with magnificent big breasts. Dugly, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen’s big boobs. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Dugly revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Phil the Erudite lawyer, the King’s chief adviser. Phil thought about this and said that he could arrange for Dugly to more than satisfy his titty desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Dugly readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Phil got a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Phil informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and Phil advised that only the saliva of Dugly would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Dugly to their chambers. Phil then slipped Dugly the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Dugly worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts. The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Dugly left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Dugly found Phil demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his breast obsession now satisfied, Dugly couldn’t have cared less knowing that Phil could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Phil slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Dugly.

“””””

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