A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded…

“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

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A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the butt of the other.

“So what’s going on here?” he asks.

The biker replies, “My mate here has had too much to drink and I’m trying to make him vomit.”

The cop says, “I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT.”

The biker replies, “That’s what I’m going to do next!”

——-

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Dugly guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a freakin’ checking account.”

To which the bank teller replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you just say?”

“God damn it, listen up lady, I said I want to open a freakin’ checking account right now.”

“Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!” The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.

They both returned and the manager asked, “What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no damn problem,” Dugly says, “I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!”

“I see sir,” the manager said, “and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”

“““““

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This farmer had an old rooster and he thought it might be time to get a new young rooster to service his hens. He got himself a new rooster and let him loose with the old rooster. The young rooster went right over to the old rooster and challenged him to a fight. The old rooster said, “Sonny, I’m too old to fight. Just follow me around, and I’ll show you the place.” The young rooster agreed and started to follow the old rooster around. The old rooster showed him the barn, then the hen house…then started to run. The young rooster thought the old rooster was trying to pull a quick one, so he chased after him madly.

All of a sudden, there came a loud “Bang!” and there stood the farmer, muttering “Dangit, that’s the third gay rooster I’ve had to kill this month.”

“““““

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