Taxi driver, fresh on the scene, picks up his first passenger. The driver started to head to the location requested by the passenger. 10 whole minutes had passed with complete silence. The radio wasn’t even turned on. A fitting comedown from the hectic workday the passenger had.

He then notices a Denver Broncos bobble head toy on the drivers dashboard, and is inclined to tell him they were his father’s favourite team.

“Hey, ma-”

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!” The driver shouts in a terrified, screechy fashion. He loses control of the wheel, swerves left, crashes into a fruit stall, swerves right and then collides with a lamppost. Bringing the sudden chaoticness to and end.

A moment passes.

“Dude, WTF!” The passenger complained. The driver then apologised. “Sorry, man. It’s my first time on the job and I haven’t adjusted from my previous job yet.”

“What did you do before this?”
“I drove a hearse.”

“””””

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Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still, a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all-conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:
Between 1 and 100, a man is like Iran and Russia: Ruled by a pair of nuts.

“””””

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A cowboy is hitching his horse in front of the saloon when a man storms out with a pistol. The cowboy walks into the bar, past a barfly with a half-empty drink, orders a beer and asks the barfly

“Who’s the guy who just stormed out looking for trouble?”

The barfly responds “Oh him? That’s Jake the Killer, he’s the meanest gun in the west with a bounty of a hundred dollars on him. I’m the lawman sent to deliver the bounty to whoever shoots him down.”

The cowboy says “A hundred dollars! Hold my beer!” And runs out the door. The cowboy shoots Jake dead and comes back into the bar to collect his pay. The Barfly is waiting for him and drinking the cowboy’s beer.
The cowboy says “I shot him down, give me the hundred dollars and my beer.”

The barfly responds “Sir I don’t know who you are or what your talking about, but this is my beer. If you have a problem with that we can take it outside after I finish my drink.”

The cowboy storms out of the bar with his pistol in his hands and a mean look in his eyes.

Just then another cowboy walks into the saloon, orders a beer, and asks the barfly who that dangerous looking man is.

The barfly sets down his half empty mug of beer and says, “Oh him? That’s Jake the Killer.”

“””””

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One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”

SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”

MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”

SON : “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”

MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”

SON : “Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?”

MOM : “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school”

“””””

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