The Marine Drill Instructor noticed a new recruit and barked at him, ‘Get your ass over here ! What’s your name?”

“Steve,” the new recruit replied.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy bull-shit they’re teaching in boot camp today, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the sergeant scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my recruits by their last names only — Smith, Jones, Baker. I am to be referred to only as ‘Sergeant.’ Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir, Sergeant!”

“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”

The recruit sighed “Darling, My name is Steve Darling.”

“Okay, Steve, here’s what I want you to do …..”

“““““

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IN PRISON…You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
AT WORK….You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

IN PRISON…You get three meals a day.
AT WORK….You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON…You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK….You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON…A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK….You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON…You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK….You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON…You get your own toilet.
AT WORK….You have to share.

IN PRISON…They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK….You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON…All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK….You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON…You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK….You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON…There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK….They are called supervisors.

“““““

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Jason is getting ready for his date

He realizes he has no condoms left

So, he goes down to his local Pharmacy

Jason says I’ll need a 3 pack of condoms please.

Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that sir?

Jason: Nah… She ain’t that ugly.

“““““

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A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.

The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures.”

“Why?” asked the pilot. “Because I am a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

“““““

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