Paul was in a terrible accident at work. He fell from scaffolding and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.

One day, Paul decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plxa Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the doted line he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Paul asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the gentleman answered, “Why yes, I couldn’t help but notice you have no ears.”

Paul got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” and she replied: “Well, you have no ears.”

Paul again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Paul was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question:

“Do you notice anything different about me?” And to his surprise, the young man answered: “Yes. You wear contact lenses.” Paul was shocked, and said, “What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?”

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty damn hard to wear glasses with no ears!”

“““““

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William is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

William: What’s the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

William: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. Confess were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

William: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

William: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

William: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

——-

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny,Tony?”

“I just saw one of your garters!”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny, Ken?”

“I just saw both of your garters!”

Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks.

“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”

“““““

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Jimmy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Jimmy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him.

After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Jimmy to the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, “His unit is too small. An old wives’ tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.”

The next morning Jimmy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

“Mom!” Jimmy yells. “The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast.”

“I know.” said his mother. “The other ten are for your father”

——-

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