A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called ‘The Knob,’ where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman’s head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted ‘The Knob.’

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob,
and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young
looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

‘All these years, everything has been working just fine.. I’ve had to turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems:

First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.’

The doctor looked at her closely and said, ‘Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.’

She said, ‘Well, I guess there’s no point in asking about the goatee.’

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A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

Well, he said, I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that.

Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.

He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, You never told me that you were such a religious person.

He leans over to her and says, You never told me that your father is a pharmacist!

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A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. “I am the strongest, most powerful man here,” he boasted. He made a special case of making fun of Hank, one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, Hank had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on old man,” the braggart replied. “It’s a bet! Let’s see what you got.”

Hank reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said “All right. Get in.”
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A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confesses. Yes. Yes he did.

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, Who? Who was he? Who was the father?

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, You.

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