Teacher: Good morning class I have a couple of riddles to start off this morning. I have something here that’s round red and good to eat?

Sarah: an apple? Teacher: No it’s a tomato but you’re thinking.

Teacher: I have something here that’s yellow and odd shaped and good to eat?

Michael: A banana? Teacher: No it’s a pear but you’re thinking.

Little Johnny: Teacher, I have a riddle.

Teacher: Okay Johnny tell us your riddle.

Little Johnny: I have something in my pocket that’s round, hard and has a head on it?

Teacher: Johnny, you go see the principal right this instant.

Little Johnny: It’s a nail, but you’re thinking.

“““““

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A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”

“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

“I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.

He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, “Im getting a brother.”
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby’s kicks in her belly.

The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.

He replyed, “I think mommy ate him”

“““““

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A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word “Timbuktu”. It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

“I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu … ”

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

“When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two … ”

“““““

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