An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor…”

“““““

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There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn’t a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.

When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, “The first one was a girl.”

The mother: “What did you name her?!?”

Brother: “Denise!”

The Mom: “Oh, wow, that’s not bad! What about the second one?”

Brother: “The second one was a boy.”

The Mom: “Oh, and what did you name him?”

Brother: “Denephew.”

“““““

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Planning to cash her paycheck, a nurse walks into a bank. She reaches into her pocket to pull out a pen to sign her check. Instead of a pen, she finds she has pulled out a rectal thermometer from the pocket. She looks at the rectal thermometer in complete shock. “Oh no!” she states in disbelief. “Some asshole has my pen!”
——-

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A tourists guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone park when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf.

“Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon.”

“What did you do?” the little girl asked.

“What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast.”

“How did you get away?”

“As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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