A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and order another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long – but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

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A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, “What do you want?” The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”

The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!” The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it’s stark black

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While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

“My name is Joshua. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

“Adam,” replied the second.

“My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, “My daddy is a lawyer.”

“Honest?” asked Joshua.

“No, just the regular kind,” replied Adam.

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Biff went to a storefront psychic for some spiritual guidance. “There seems to be a horrible, dark cloud surrounding me.”
“I know,” said the psychic, “and for a hundred dollars, I can rid you of it.”

Biff thought the fee was high, but, eager to be cured, he handed over the money to the psychic. After pocketing the fee, the psychic then pulled out a book of matches and lit one.

Then Biff asked, “What do you call this dark and horrible curse?”

The psychic waved the match down behind Biff and said, “Mexican food.”

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