At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?”

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

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A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked. “I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. He quickly answered: “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”

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There’s a guy who’s hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.

So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time hes brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldnt reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.

Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.

Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

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A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. Here are some of the humorous lines she received:

•Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
•We three kings of porridge and tar
•On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
•Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire
•He’s makin a list, chicken and rice
•Noel, Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel
•With the jelly toast proclaim
•Olive, the other reindeer
•Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
•Sleep in heavenly peas
•In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is sparse and brown
•You’ll go down in listerine
•Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
•O come, froggy faithful
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