Joke of the Day – Bear Jokes

There’s this guy who shows up at a cabin where these hunters have gathered to hunt bear. Only he shows up without a gun.
The other hunters are very curious. “How you gonna get a bear without a gun?” they ask.

“Do you have a knife?”

“No,” says the guy.

“Do you have a club?”

“No,” says the guy.

“Don’t you worry. I’m gonna get myself a bear. Just wait right here and see.”

The guy leaves the cabin and disappears into the hills for several hours.

Eventually he happens upon a bear asleep in his den and he kicks the bear and gets it really angry. As the bear wakes up, he starts to chase after the guy, so the guy starts running back towards the cabin.

Finally the hunters hear him running down the hill and yelling, “Open the cabin door! Open the door!”

They open the door and the guy runs into the cabin and holds the door open behind him. To the terror of the other hunters, an angry bear follows close behind, running into the cabin, too.

Then the guy slams the door shut, and says, “You skin that one. I’ll go get another.”

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Joke of the Day – Another Chance

One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren’t dumb.
They begged: “Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we’re not dumb.”

The group caught the attention of a passerby, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the group.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: “What is the first month of the year?”
The blonde responded: “November?”

“Nope,” said the man. At this point the rest of the group began to chant, “Give her another chance, give her another chance.”

So the man asked: “What is the capital of the U.S.A?”
The blonde responded: “Paris?”
So the group of blondes began chanting again: “Give her another chance, give her another chance.”

The man said: “Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?”
The blonde replied: “Two?”

Give her another chance, Give her another chance,” screamed the group of blondes.

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Joke of the Day – New FDA Alcohol Warnings

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a loser.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
Consumption of alcohol may convince you that your ex is really dying to hear from you at 4 am.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).
Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you’re tougher than a really big guy named Kong.
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small… or large gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

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Joke of the Day – The Farmer on the plane

A farmer, who is not familiar with new technolagy, never went on a plane, but had to visit his sick daughter in California. He asked the flight attendent where the bathroom is, and he pointed all the way in the back of the plane, but he said don’t press he third button. He went in, and pressed the first button. It throughly cleaned his front private. The second one cleaned his back private throughly. The memory haunting him of the flight attented saying not to press the third one, curiosly, he pressed it, and ended up in the hospital. He woke up and said “What happend?” “Well…” The doctor replied, “the third button on the plane, was the tampon remover.”

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