A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days.

The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night.
The husband asked her about what.

She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off Penises. The little ones went for $500.00 and the big ones went for $1000.00.

The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes!

Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that ” I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off Pussys. The loose ones went for $500.00 and the tight ones went for $1000.00.

The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.

Sell? The didn’t sell yours… where in the hell do you think they held the auction!

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I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in the film “Twister”. I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the”cruise control” and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

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A married man and his secretary are having an affair. They decide to leave the office early one day and go to the secretary’s apartment for an afternoon of lovemaking. They fall asleep and don’t wake up until 8PM later that night. They quickly get dressed and the man asks his secretary to take his shoes and go rub them in the grass. The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. The wife is very upset and asks him where he has been.

The husband replies, “I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. We left work early today, went to her place, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That’s why I’m late!”

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, “I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You’ve been playing golf again, haven’t you!”

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An excited man calls the fire department and says, “Help me, my house is on fire!!”
The fireman says, “Where do you live?”

The man replies, “I am too excited, I can’t tell you the exact address.”

The fireman asks, “How do you expect us to get there?”

The man replies, “What do you mean ‘how’? The big red truck.”

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