A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of Jack Daniels and slams them all down in a flash. He looks at the bartender and orders 3 more and does the same thing. By now the bartender is wondering what is wrong with this guy so he asks him what his problem is. The guy looks up and says ” I don’t have a problem, I’m celebrating my first blow job!”

The bartender looks with a smile and says,” well that’s just dandy, let me get the next one!”

“No thanks”, says the guy, “if 6 shots won’t wash the taste out, the 7th won’t help either!!!”

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A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”

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An American, a Mexican and an Italian robbed a bank. As it turned out, they got a lot of cash in Dollars, Pesos and Liras.

When they returned back to their hide-out, the American distributed the money in three even shares. He counted each portion aloud:

“1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you …

1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you …

1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you …”
The Mexican said to the Italian, “Well I can’t stand these Yankees, but I have to admit they are honest.

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Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q. What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.

Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver’s test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde’s to catch cold?
A. They don’t have to worry about blowing their brains out.

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