These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

“The effects are fleeting and lingering…” – Overheard in a hallway

“In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.” – CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

“A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.” – Announcer on KZOK radio

“He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that’s a mouthful!” – CBS baseball announcer

“An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement.” – Irish Politician on RTE radio

“This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation.” – BBC world service.

“We have two incredibly credible witnesses here.” – Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

“He’s going to step down ’til he’s back on his feet.” – Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart’s latest sex scandal

“““““

Get Dell.com Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !

OK, so there’s this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She’s cruisin’ about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.

The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.

The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, “Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!” She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, “While you weren’t looking I stepped out of the circle!”

“““““

Marine Dating  We bring together single members of the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Coast Guard, Police Force, and Firefighters — as well as civilians, veterans.

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.

“Suzy wants to go out to my car. She’s really hot,” one boy said. “I’m really nervous. I know I’ll goof up!”

“Take it easy,” his friend assured him. “All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You’ll have her in the palm of your hand.”

About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.

“Shit, man! What happened to you?!” his buddy asked.

“I took your advice.”

“Didn’t you compliment her?”

“Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too.”

“It sounds like you were doing great,” his friend said.

“Well,” the other answered, “that’s when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another compliment.”

“What did you say?”

“For such a large crack, it doesn’t stink much.”

“““““

Get bargains at BargainRampage.com and save on electronics.

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.

They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men’s game.

“Don’t they know their supposed to let us play through?!” asked the first man.

The other man shook his head. “I’m going to go ask them if we can play through,” said the first man, emphatically, “Enough is enough!”

He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.

“Oh God,” he said to his friend, “This is awful. You’re going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!”

The other man shrugged, and said “No sweat.”

He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said – “Small world isn’t it!”

“““““

Find the best dating websites on the net at MatchLane.com !