Little Johnny’s parents wanted to have some “alone time” together, so they sent Johnny out onto the porch with an ice-cream sandwich. Not wanting the boy to finish too quickly, his mother came up with an idea to keep him distracted.

“While you’re eating that,” she said, “watch the neighborhood and tell us everything interesting that you see.”

A few minutes in to their lovemaking, Johnny’s parents heard him yell his first report: “The Millers got a new car!”

“That’s great!” answered his mother. “Keep looking!”

More time passed, and Johnny shouted again: “The O’Learys are planting flowers!”

“Good job!” responded his father. “Keep looking!”

Another minute went by, and Johnny called out for a third time: “Mister and Missus Jones are having sex!”
Johnny’s parents abruptly stopped in their own activity. After a moment of silence, his mother replied with “How do you know that they’re having sex, Johnny?”

“Because Billy Jones is eating an ice-cream sandwich on their porch!”

“””””

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.”

IRS AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.”

Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know?”

“””””

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Dugly rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive girl with a big booty came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Dugly smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Dugly broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact and not look at her curves.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment. I hear someone coming.”

He followed her into her apartment. She closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off. Now completely naked, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”

Flustered and embarrassed, Dugly finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears!”

Astounded and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at these breasts they are full and 100% natural! Look at my butt, it’s perfect and firm, I work out every day! Look at my skin—no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel that the best part of my body is my ears?!”

Clearing his throat, Dugly stammered, “Outside, when you said you heard someone coming?”
“Yes.”

“Well, that was me.”

——-
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Two 17 year old brothers are fishing at the lake near their grandparents house in the woods, they get tired and decide to go back to the house. They are walking in the woods when the game warden jumps out of the bushes and asks to see their fishing licensees.

Instinctively one of the brothers sprints past the game warden, the game warden runs after him and eventually catches up with him and asks to see his license, the boy shows it to him right away and the game warden asks him why he ran if he had his license. The boy responded “because my brother didn’t have his.”

“””””

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