Joke of the Day – gates of heaven
description

Joke of the Day – gates of heaven

A gay guy is standing at the gates of heaven when he hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

He says to St. Peter, “What’s going on?”

St. Peter replies, “That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos.”

He says, “Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I’d rather go to hell.”

St. Peter says, “In hell, you’ll be constantly raped and sodomized.”

He says, “That’s okay. I’ve already got holes for that.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Joke of the Day – One day in the Garden of Eden
description

Joke of the Day – One day in the Garden of Eden

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“What’s a ‘man,’ Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will provide you with companionship and satisfy
your desires. Yet, he’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the catch, Lord?”

“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring. So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. So, just remember: it’s our secret. Woman to Woman.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Joke of the Day – elderly lady went to the doctor
description

Joke of the Day – elderly lady went to the doctor

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”

The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.

“Well,” the doctor continued, “let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

“How did it go?” the doctor asked.

“Terribly, doctor, terribly.”

“Did it not work?”

“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”

“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”

“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Joke of the Day –  If you love something
description

Joke of the Day – If you love something

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was
and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never
yours to begin with. If, however, it just sits in your living
room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed
that you actually set it free in the first place, you either
married it or gave birth to it!

………………

Also check out FreshPersonals.com for great dating sites!

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]