Reasons it’s great to be a guy:
– Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
– Movie nudity is virtually always female.
– A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
– You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
– Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
– You can open all your own jars.
– Old friends don’t give a crap whether you’ve lost or gained weight.
– Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
– When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
– All your orgasms are real.
– You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
– You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
– Your last name stays put.
– You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
– You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
– Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
– Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
– Wedding plans take care of themselves.
– If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
– You don’t have to shave below your neck.
– None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
– You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
– If you’re 34 and single, nobody even notices.
– You can write your name in the snow.
– Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
– Chocolate is just another snack.
– You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
– Flowers fix everything.
– You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
– Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
– You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
– Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
– You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
– You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
– You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me”.
– The world is your urinal.
– Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
– One mood, all the time
– You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one’s just too skeevy.
– You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you’re wearing.
– Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
– You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
– Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
– You don’t care if someone’s talking about you behind you back.
– With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
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