A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” he said with a hiccup, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

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A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

Mother, where do babies come from?

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. Thats how you get a baby, honey. The child seems to comprehend.

Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.

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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
He replied, “It was an ‘ID ten T’ error.”
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but I nonetheless inquired, “An ID ten T Error? What’s that, in case I need to fix it again?”
Harold grinned. “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”
“No,” I replied.
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold…

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A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. “How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked. The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky. “You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is against me?”

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