A wife takes her husband to a strip club for their 20th anniversary. At the entrance, the guard says to the husband, “Hey Dugly, how’s it going?”

The woman asks her husband how he knows you, the husband answers from the gym. They enter and sit at the bar, and the bartender asks, “Hey Dugly, the usual?”. The husband turns to his wife tensely saying, we play bowling together…

A stripper approaches the husband and asks, “Do you feel like getting the same as last time?” His wife grabs Dugly and they run out and get into a taxi. She starts screaming at him in the taxi. The driver looks at them and says “Dugly, you picked a real dog this time…”

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A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village. “Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?”

“That was when Mary Ann Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village screwed Mary Ann Jones.”

“Well, we can’t publish a story like that, can you tell us about any other happy moment?”

“When Mike Miller’s goat got lost on the hills, we organized a search party. When we found her, we celebrated, everybody got drunk and we all screwed Mike Miller’s goat!”

“Okay, enough of happy endings, can you tell us what was the saddest day in this village?”

“Well that would be the time when I got lost on the hills…”

“””””

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A farmer drove to a neighbour’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your dad or your mum home?” said the farmer. “No, they went to town”.

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?” “No, he went with mum and dad”.

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

“I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one? Or I can give dad a message”. said the boy.

“Well” said the farmer uncomfortably “I really wanted to talk to your dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter Susie pregnant”.

The boy thought for a moment.

“You would have to talk to dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard”.

“””””

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An engineer dies and goes up to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer “Sorry pal, you’re not on the list. You can’t get into heaven.” The engineer says “Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I’m not on the list to get into heaven?” St. Peter says “Look I don’t make the rules, you’re not on the list, that means you go to hell.”

The engineer goes down to hell and introduces himself, gets to know the devil and says “Hey I could make a few changes to make things more comfortable down here.” He installs a state-of-the-art air conditioning system and all of a sudden it’s a pleasant 68 degrees F in Hell. God looks down and realizes he must have made a mistake and given St Peter the wrong list.

God says to the Devil, send me back that engineer. I made a mistake, he belongs in heaven. The devil says forget about it, this guy’s great, I’m not giving him up. God says “Oh yeah? You send him back up right now, or I’ll sue!”

The devil says to God “Oh yeah? And where are YOU gonna get a lawyer?”

“””””

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