A man finds himself in a jungle surrounded by cannibals.Seeing no possible way to escape, he says to himself, “Oh God, I’m screwed!”

Suddenly a light shines down from the heavens upon the man and he hears the voice of God, and God says, “No my son. You’re not screwed. You see the rock on the ground next to you? The pointy one? Take it and throw it as hard as you can at their leader.”

So, gathering his courage, the man grabs the rock as he was told and throws it with all his might at their leader. The rock soars through the air with uncanny speed and accuracy and bashes the leader square in between the eyes, instantly killing him. As his body drops to the ground the rest of the cannibals stare in disbelief, jaws dropped and eyes darting back and forth between the man and their fallen leader.

Just then the light shines back down upon the man and he hears the voice of God again, and God says, “NOW you’re screwed!”

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An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar. They start boasting about their countries.

The American said “We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!”

The Russian said ” That’s nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!”

Then the Indian says “We dug deep and found nothing!”

So the other two started laughing and said “what’s there to boast about?”

The Indian said “That means we always had wireless!”
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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.” The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, “Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.” The grandfather replies, “I know. That’s from your Grandma.”

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A man and his 13 yr old son are in the pharmacy when his son sees the condom display.

“Dad”, the son says, “what are those for?

“Well, those are for when a man and woman love each other and want to have safe intercourse.

“Oh”, the son says, “Why do they have a three-pack?”

“That’s for a college junior: one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday morning”.

“And why do they have a 6-pack?”

“That’s for college seniors: two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday Morning.”

“And why do they have a 12-pack?”

“Well, that’s for married men…

one for January, one for February…”

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