Joke of the Day – construction worker

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, “Stop, stop! you’re not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?”

“Nope,” replied the construction worker, “You are…I’m going to set the garage on fire.”

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Joke of the Day – lover

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they’re just lying there, the phone rings. Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called… Really? That’s wonderful…. Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time… Oh, that sounds terrific… Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

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Joke of the Day – light bulb?

Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. That’s a hardware problem.

A’: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.

A”: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

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Joke of the Day – Area 51

You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base.

They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane. . .only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night.”

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