Mildred was the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals. She kept sticking her nose into other people’s business, even if several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities. However, they feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Once, she accused a new member, Jacob, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Jacob (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!

Jacob, was a man of few words. He stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing and just went away.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his old pickup in front of Mildred’s house …

Got out and simply walked home…

And left his old pickup there all night.

“””””

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A man goes to a priest to confess.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned” says the man confessed.

“What did you sin, my son?” the priest asks him.

“Well, me and my wife went to my sister-in-law for dinner, we had dinner, then as soon as we were going to go home, the weather, father, it was getting cloudy and it look like it was about to rain, so my sister-in-law asked us to stay for the night” says the man.

“Then what happened?” asks the priest.

“Well, we took her up on her offer then later at night I got the urge to fuck my sister-in-law, so I did” says the man.

“My son, that’s a big sin you have done, ask God for forgiveness and he may forgive you” says the priest.
“Thank you, father, but that’s not all” the man said back.

“What else is there my son” the priest asks him.

“Well after a few weeks, my mother-in-law invited us to dinner, and after dinner, it was getting cloudy and was about to rain again, so my mother-in-law asked us to stay overnight, that night I got the urge to fuck her, and so I did” confesses the man.

The priest looks out outside and sees the sky about to get cloudy. He turns to the man and says “Okay, I think it’s about time for you to get the fuck outta here.”

——-

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There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
“I have only one condition.” he said. “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.” The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. “He was an evil man” he said. “He cheated on his wife, abused his family, swindled his friends and the poor…” After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with “But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.”

“””””

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One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He’d toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question – and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out..

The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, ‘That’s so wonderful! Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?’

The father replied, ‘From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.

“””””

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