an old vermont farmer decided to take is new wife into town
he told her to get dolled up, we’re going out
they loaded up for the ride and off they went
then the mule buckled, the farmer said, “that’s once”
after awhile the mule buckled again, the farmer said, “that’s twice”
they continued on to town, the mule once again buckled, so the old farmer pulled out his trusty .357 and shot the mule dead.
the wife said, “why did you do that?”

the farmer said, “That’s once”

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so i ask a girl “whats your boy friends name”
she states “mark”
i say “knock knock”
her: “whos there”
me: “mark”
her: “mark who”

:put arm around her.. thats right hun:

“““““

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A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like, He has a card up his sleeve or He has a dove in his pocket.

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?

“““““

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(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)

One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch. So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not piss on bed you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ”Peace unto you” I say ”Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy”

“““““

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