A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!”

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

“I can see you, and so can Jesus!”

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!”

“So what,” says the burglar, “you’re only a parrot!”

To which the parrot replies, “Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!”

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After numerous rounds of “We don’t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send Bush a note in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the note, which appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H.

Bush was baffled, so he E-mailed it to Dick. Dick and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.

Within a few seconds, the Marines cabled back with this reply: “Tell Bush he is holding the message upside down.”

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A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees, and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her, and asked, ‘What are you doing?’

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, ‘Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.’

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A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her.

‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.

‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’

‘No, Silly,’ the blonde said, ‘first I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’

‘So then?’ asked the doctor.

‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.’

‘So then?’ asked the doctor.

‘Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: ‘This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

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