Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: God, please give me the strength to cross the river Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, Hey, John! How ya doin? His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before. Oh, no, says John. Hes on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,How did she know that you drink Budweiser? Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy? Johns wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, John.

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There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York theres a magical mirror. If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you one wish…. but if you lie – POOF! – it swallows you up for eternity.

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde walk into that very bar – with a mission. They head straight for the magic mirror. The redhead goes first and says I think Im the most beautiful woman on Earth POOF! – the mirror swallows her up and shes gone for eternity.

The brunette goes up to the mirror and says I think Im the sexiest woman on Earth POOF – now shes gone too.

Lastly, the blonde goes up to the mirror says I think………. – POOF!

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This is a starter kit for the new and up incoming Physiotherapist. This is to be used and operated by trained professionals ONLY. There is a patent pending so please dont try and steal my idea. This is NOT to be used for outstanding or delinquent bills!

1. First start with restaints first because when the patient sees the tape he or she might not think this is an accredited treatment. (rope is supplied)
2. Second then apply some Quiet Time tape. If the Quiet Time tape doesnt acquire the desired quietness then a mild sedative can be used( a good swift hit to the side of head). Not so hard as to loosen teeth but eyes should roll back in head.
3. Third the Softner (a sock with $4.00 in nickels in it with a knot securing the nickels in) should be used on affected area. Start off with a mild swing to affected area and the patient should feel the soft tissue separate and soften. Mild moaning is expected. For the really deep tissue work you will need to give a really good swing. 2-3 quick ones. Some patients scream but this is why the Quiet Time tape is used. If it is NOT used some patients start to beg for this very specialized treatment to stop and cry out loud, scaring the other patients. The objective is NOT to scare patient or other patients who are waiting. Patient should be told that for every patient that leaves becasue of his or her whining and crying a $35 Out Burst charge will be added to thier bill. This is very effective.
4. Fourth the Electruder (a electrical cord with the 2 bare wires at end) should be used to stimulate blood flow to the affected area and help break down scar tissue. This is important because the seems to be alot of scar tissue after 3-4 treatments. The Electruder should be used with great care. Unlike the Tens machine which applies a mild electrical pulsating current that is controled by a dial on the machine the Electruder is solely controlled by the Physiotherapist. The Electruder applies a direct 110volt current to the affected area. It is IMPORTANT that the Electruder be used after the Softner because the patient should have acquired bit of sweat on the body and this helps conduct the 110volt needed to stimulate blood flow and break down that nasty scar tissue.(a small amount of water can be applied). VERY important again that the restraints MUST stay on because patients will try and grab you causing the 110volt current to go through you also. Not so good. The Electruder should always be used last because some patient pass out from the Softners treatment and this also helps bring them around.
5. Patients show rapid improvement in mobility and range of motion. Not so much for pain, that should last awhile. After a few treatments the Quiet Time tape may be removed but NOT the restraints. This will increase the bill as most patients cry out scaring someone away. Even if the dont scare anyone away still add the $35 Out Burst charge to the bill because they wont know, they are in restraints and cant see the waiting room.
6. Playing relaxing music seems to help the process. Some use whales talking. But the sound track to the Sopranos seems to work the best. This seems to let the patient know that YOU are the professional and the you do this for a living and his or her recovery should be quick and expensive.
7. Putting patients on an incentive plan should help you and them. For every 2 patients that they bring in you will deduct $10 from the bill. However the Out Burst charge of $35 that you keep adding on will far out way the deduction.
8. SOME side effects may occur like sudden payment, showing up 10-15 min early, curling up in the fetal potition at the sound of your voice, crying constantly and fliching. Some of these side effects can be cured with an unscheduled appointment. But not all side effects are bad.
9. Some light bruising in the shape of small circles is to be expected because of the use of nickels but heavy bruising may reqire a trip to Mexico(for the Physiotherapist). That is Gods little blind spot and this is a well used therapeutic treatment and is widely accepted as an accreted treatment. It has been used for 1000s of years in basemnets and back alleys and NOW available in Canada and USA.

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