He’s got five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself, Maybe Ill go to that whorehouse I’ve been hearin so much bout. The redneck walks in, approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, Ive got 5 bucks, give me your best.’

The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch, and a chicken in the corner. The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly takes the chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was the best sex he’d ever had.

The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and offers it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few benches and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and women alike.

Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two lesbians then proceed to make love on the table.

The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, Damn, for 10 bucks, this is damn good. The man then chuckles and says, You should have been here last week, we had a man screwing a chicken.

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A married couple is driving along the highway doing a steady fourty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband abruptly looks across at her, speaking in a clear voice, and says Darling, I know weve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.

The wife says nothing, keeping her eyes on the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again, saying this time: I dont want you to try and talk me out of it, because Ive been having an affair with your best friend, and shes a far better lover than you.

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. I want the house, he demands. Up to 60 mph. I want the car, too, he continues. 65 mph! And, he says, Ill have the bank accounts, all the credit cards, the boat, and our dog!

The car slowly begins veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: Isnt there anything you want?

At last the wife replies – in a quiet and controlled voice. No, Ive got everything I need. she says.

Oh, really? he inquires, So what exactly have you got?

Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and says……………….. The airbag.

Never underestimate the rationalization of a woman.

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One day Little Johnny came home from school with a note pinned to his shirt. The note read: Dear parent, apparently Little Johnny has been having some trouble with telling the difference between girls and boys. Please sit down with him and explain this. Signed, Little Johnnys teacher.

After reading the note Little Johnnys mom took him into her room and shut the door. Okay Little Johnny, his mother said. First take off my high heels. Then take off my panty hose. Then take off my dress. Now take off my bra and panties.

NOW NEVER WEAR MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL AGAIN!

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A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like chalk or pencil, she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, What gender is a computer? The teacher wasnt certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

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