A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools.

It began to pour down raining, so the red head and brunette both pull out a condom and put it on their cigs. The blonde says what are you doing? – and they say were saving it for later!

Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says What size? small, medium, or large? She said I dont know…. one to fit a camel?

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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, Hey, John! How ya doin? His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before. Oh, no, says John. Hes on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,How did she know that you drink Budweiser? Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy? Johns wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, John.

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Two ropes walk in to a bar, one rope calls the bartender and says Barkeep, let me get a couple of beers. The bartender says I’m sorry we dont serve ropes in here.

Frustrated the ropes walk out and, since this was the only bar in town, they thought about it a little while when finally one rope says Ive got an idea. So he gets him self into a bind and frizzles his ends and walks back into the bar and says Barkeep, can I get a couple of beers.

The barkeep says Sure, but aren’t you those same two ropes that came in here earlier? The rope answers I’m a frayed knot.

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A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. Hes riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver.

Its after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. Taxi

He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.

They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed – and there his wife lays in bed with another man!

Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked mans head. Just then, his wife yells Dont do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!….

* HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
* HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
* HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
* HE paid for our our lakehouse and boat.
* HE paid for your country club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!

Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks What should I do?

The taxi driver replies, Id cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.

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