There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of water.” The bartender says, “Why do you want a shot of water?” The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, “Tea time.”
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This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis. “No thanks,” the girl says. “You know I don’t smoke.”
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A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK. “Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love”. The old man replied, “I thought so…would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window…they’re choking my ducks!”
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Two guys sneak into a farmer’s fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. “Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever fruit you want,” said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says,”now shove em’ all up your ass.” The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then e starts to laugh. “Why you laughing?” asked the farmer. To which the man replied, “My friend is out picking watermelons!”

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